The Muppets

"What's more illegal, Kermit: kidnapping Jack Black, or destroying the Muppet name for good?"  "Kidnapping Jack Black!"  One of the best movies to have come out in recent years, the triumphant return of our favorite furry friends is marked by a hilarious, toe-tapping good time.  Filled with wonderful songs (hearing The Muppets' renditions of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and "Fuck You" is truly life-changing) and some really great gags (electric fence, anyone?), plus an 80s robot that still thinks that New Coke and Tab are popular (but then again, was New Coke ever popular?), The Muppets is perfect fun for all ages.  Unless you're some weirdo who hates Muppets, then I would advise you to go see this movie ASAP.

Rating: 93/100

"We all agreed, celebrities aren't people."

Spaceballs

"Out of order?  F*ck!  Even in the future nothing works!"  Another gem from Mel Brooks, sci-fi films (especially Star Wars) are relentlessly parodied in what has got to be one of the most quotable movies ever made.  Filled with all sorts of one-liners and innuendos (it's amazing just how much dirty stuff they got away with, even for a PG-rated film), Spaceballs never fails to tickle my funny bone.  Although pretty stupid (okay, incredibly stupid), it's still really good, and features excellent acting (John Candy's portrayal of the elusive Mawg [half-man, half-dog; in other words, its own best friend] is legendary).  Definitely worth a look.

Rating: 86/100

A Man Called Sarge

"Hey fellas!  There's a Jew up here!"  I am almost at a loss for words.  Never before* have I seen a picture so incredibly stupid as this (and I have seen ALL THREE Jackass films), and it is quite likely I will never see one that is quite as dumb.  Don't even bother with this piece of crap.

Rating: 20/100

*Okay, rarely.

Angus

"Screw 'em."  Finally, a movie that actually depicts what high school really is like.  The story of an overweight football player and perpetual loser, Angus really hits home for this freshman college student (even though I'm much thinner and terrible at football).  When Angus Bethune is "elected" as king of his school's freshman winter ball (with his longtime crush being the queen), it's up to Angus, his grandfather (George C. Scott), and Angus's best friend Troy to improve Angus's image before the big day arrives.  Frequently funny and very touching, this is definitely a treat for all ages.

 Rating: 95/100

"I'm still here, asshole."

The Last Detail

"I am the motherf*cking shore patrol, motherf*cker! I am the motherf*cking shore patrol!" Wonderful acting, a compelling story and script, excellent cinematography, a lively, flute-driven score, and authentic (read: profane) military language, The Last Detail is absolutely breathtaking. Jack Nicholson takes center stage here, giving a performance that is exceptional even by his own standards (the man has several Oscars to his credit, all for acting). Otis Young and Randy Quaid round out the principal cast in this tale of two sailors (Nicholson and Young) assigned to escort a very young sailor (Quaid) who has been convicted of stealing money ($40, to be exact) and has been sentenced to eight years in military prison. The film details the adventures the trio have on their way to the military prison in Kansas.

93/100

30 Minutes or Less

"Sometimes fate pulls out its big ol' cock and slaps you right in the face."  Mildly dumb, but fairly entertaining story of a guy who has a FREAKING BOMB STRAPPED TO HIS CHEST and is forced to rob a bank.  Did I mention the FREAKING BOMB STRAPPED TO HIS CHEST?  Loosely (very loosely) based on a real-life incident, the movie gets most of its humor from the fact that two guys are trying to rob a bank without any prior experience, and the fact that the idiots who forced them to do this are, well, idiots.  Not much else to say about this one.

Rating: 72/100

The Spongebob Squarepants Movie

"Oh no!  This is terrible!  Who will sign my paychecks?"  Pretty much everyone who knows me knows that I am a HUGE fan of Spongebob.  As such, I may be somewhat biased in reviewing his feature-film debut, but I really don't give a rat's ass about my own biases.  Anywhoo, Plankton has tried every plan, all the way from A to Y, to steal the formula for the Krabby Patty, and as such is out - wait, what's this?  There's another letter in the alphabet?  Z?!?!?  Well, you get the picture.  And this plan is waaayyy more elaborate than anything that's come before - this time, Mr. Krabs could DIE.  Deliriously funny, with humor that is aimed (as in the show itself) more towards adults than towards its young target audience, the movie is definitely a treat for anyone who loves the show (and even for those who don't).

Rating: 80/100